Be(ing)coming A Vet Student, Part II.

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THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO THE WHITE HOUSE.

 The Book of Veterinary Affliction.

                           Chapter 1.

1. In the beginning, God created the world, and on the 7th day, He rested.

2. On the 8th day, the devil, in his crafty ways fashioned a wicked idea in his mind. He constantly obsessed over this idea and pulled all the weapons in his arsenal and resources at his disposal to make sure that this bright idea sees the light of the day.

3. Thereafter, his idea led to the birth of a nation. Now, the nation was formless and empty and darkness covered their collective identity. 

4. And the devil said “Let there be the faculty of Veterinary Medicine”, and there was the Faculty of Veterinary Medicine. And the devil saw that the Faculty of Veterinary Medicine was good (for him).

5. And the devil said, “Let me create this faculty in my own image and likeness. Let peace of mind and enjoyment never be the portion for these students for they could have chosen the Faculty of Arts, but in their obstinate ways and stiff-neckedness, they have chosen to be doctors”.

  

     Selah.   

                 Be(ing)coming A Vet Student (Part 2).

Being a Vet student means that on the first day of resumption, you’ll spring up from your bed as suddenly as though you have been bitten by a legion of blood-thirsty bed bugs. You’ll dash to the bathroom like a Japa freak on the verge of missing his American Visa interview.

Your roommates, Tolu, Tope and Tade, studying Music, Theatre arts and Animal science respectively will look at you in amusement, as though a few bolts have come undone in your head.

“You Dey craze? It’s just the first day of resumption nau, classes no fit hold”, says Tolu.

“They’ve not even released our lecture timetable”, interjects Tade.

You’ll sigh and shake your head while carrying your cross as you head to class. In your mind, you’ll silently curse Ben Carson for inspiring your medical ambition.

You’ll get to class and the news will hit you like a bombshell, “Omoo, we’ve done 3 tests oo.”

“The lecturer has counted all of us, only those of us around today will write End of Module.”

As if that is not enough, the next lecturer will send you out of his class for not putting on a tie. In your annoyance, you’ll be tempted to remind him that ties aren’t realistic in sub-Saharan Africa, but you’ll keep your rima oris shut when you recall how everyone already calls your mum “Mama Doctor”, you can’t be unfortunate enough to jeopardize that prestigious title.

But in every dark cloud, there’s a silver lining. You will notice the glistening paints starting to coat the walls of the faculty. 

Slowly but steadily, the White House becomes white again. The news will spread rapidly like wild fire in the harmattan.

“The Faculty’s 60th anniversary! Ebenezer Obey is coming! It’s going to be celebrated for a week!”

The last statement is the reason why you’ll be up like mad.

A whole week of celebrations? You’ll be there no matter what! The Media and Publicity unit will roll out tons of posters, fliers and announcements.

And the best part of it all? You’ll start receiving induction invites from the freshly minted Ibadan Veterinary doctors.

You’ll immediately cancel out that week from your feeding budget, in fact you’ll spend the money for your feeding in advance because item seven will be surplus like mad. In your vivid imagination.

When you notice that some inductees are not sending you invites yet, you’ll quickly put on your coat of famzing with the agbada of shamelessness and you’ll almost wound them with “Congratulations my doctorrrr”, in their DMs. 

They understand, you understand, everyone understands.

This Faculty week and induction day is something that you will actively look forward to. Another opportunity to eat chicken that you didn’t pay for? An entire week of freedom from the afflictions of classes, practicals and clinics? Say no more.

You will actively post all the fliers and invites on your status till Titilayo, your girlfriend of 6 years, nags that you will never post pictures of her unless it’s her birthday or she goes missing.

But on one fateful Thursday night, the Subdean will lock the group page and drop a barrage of messages that will smash all your dreams to smithereens. 

You are not invited.

A weed is an unwanted plant that grows in unwanted places. 

You are the weed. 

You are unwanted. 

The Faculty’s 60th anniversary is not for you, you are clearly not included in the plans. 

After all, it’s the Faculty’s 60th anniversary, not yours. No be you dey turn 60. 

You’ll sigh as you remember your introverted classmates who have planned to skip all the events to rest at home, the social butterflies who have been dreaming of attending all the events and the bookworms who have drawn a reading timetable because they can’t afford to “waste” an entire week. 

You’ll sigh.

You’ll want to respond but the group is locked.

You’ll sigh again.

Then, reality will slap you in the face.

You will warm eba

You will all go to class.

You will like clinics by force.

Sweetheart, you will write tests.

And you will be there no matter what.